They all shagged her and you want a piece of the action too!

on the fence(ing)

As the costume suggests fencing was made by a pair of renegade bee-keepers in 1976. the sport quickly spiralled out of favour with the British sporting establishment due to the findings of the now infamous GROBBULAAR report. The report alleged fencing was clearly linked to sympathy for the unions and recommended it be abolished.

Looking back on those troubled times Dr Shelly Fingerhood, nobel peace prize winner and avid fencer recalls. 'You have to remember fencing was invented by bee-keepers and we're all too aware of this countries relationship with honey. It was only natural that the sport would be tarred with the same brush. In reality fencing is nothing more than wimps living out their bizarre, swashbuckling, pirate fantasies. Always keen to politicise an issue, Lady Thatcher denounced the soon to be underground sport.'

The now illegal sport found its ideological soulmate in the rave scene that began to develop in the late 80's. Bez of the 'Happy Mondays' the maraca wielding 'shifty sherpa' himself remembers those times fondly. '...fencing and dance music fed off each other until eventually we couldn't tell the fucking difference, it twisted my melon!'

The establishment could no longer suppress and repress the unrelenting public yearning for droopy swords. When a jaded John Major legalised fencing it is hard to imagine that public opinion would shift back once again, propelling fencing back into the sporting wilderness.

Under new labour, Tony 'The Butcher' Blair (he's an ACTUAL butcher?!) attacked the sport citing, 'the tragic loss of so many swords to this vicious industry has become an international catastrophe.' He thinks its a criminal waste of swords, YOU think its a criminal waste of swords.

To quote the wordsmith Natasha Bedingfield 'the rest is still unwritten.'