It's impossible to be the next Evan Davis, it is the biggest challenge of my career, its like asking someone to be the next Olly Murs.
These were the words of Declan 'Dec' Donnelly (Ant + Dec) at the press conference announcing the resignation of Evan Davis, recently disgraced TV personality and economic renegade.
The event that marked the end of the original Dick and Dom was overshadowed by discussions of Davis's murky past. Fresh allegations of animal cruelty and loitering with intent sent shockwaves through the hallways of the new BBC headquarters in Neath.
Recent reports have alleged that Davis, dressed head-to-toe as a ferocious fire breather, routinely parked his car on the drive of funny man and Welsh nationalist Rhod Gilbert. It began innocently with Davis chain smoking in his VW Passat, but as time went on, Evan's behavior became increasingly erratic and sinister. Things came to a head at 3am on the 15th December when Davis, with a boot full of Lynx Africa and Deborah Meaden's personalised zippo lighter, parked up in his usual spot. As Tom Jones's 'Burning Down the House' echoed through the Gilbert estate, Davis began methodically incinerating Rhod's prized herb garden. Unbeknownst to Evan , Ruth, Gilbert's confidant, agent and pet emu was sleeping amongst the coriander. Once the ash settled, Davis stood weeping over the bird's charred corpse. 'I'll never forget the smell', said a jaded PC Wyndham Jones, "It was like someone had tried to cook a potpourri stuffed chicken with napalm".
A besieged Davis has taken to Twitter to defend his warped cause.
